Time out

I think I need a time out from life!

I know that this isn't physically possible but goodness sometimes I think everyone needs a timeout. I would love to say that life is without major stress but the fact of the matter is sometimes I feel that I'm drowning in it. 

The week was looking promising; that was until Wednesday hit...  I had a weekend mommy retreat (aka mental refocus and escape) planned right after the 4th of July and before the deployment but after some discussion it was turned into a mommy day out x2 and family portraits on that Saturday; this was the start of the hopeful week downfall. My dear loving husband decided to tell me that my retreat hurt him, hmm interesting choice of words! There are many words that I can put to that sentence and so many that I wont but lets just say that this made my week spiral. As of today my retreat is up for further research and finalization (just like I were a clerk working for an ever demanding boss, grrr). I wish he could live in my shoes for a week sometimes.

I really need a time out but I know that it isn't going to happen...

To top all this off my toddler, whom I've been actively trying to potty train for the last 2 months has decided that she is just like her younger brother and sister and that she has no desire to tell anyone she needs to potty or even go when asked. After a great day yesterday of going every time that her friend had to go and a decent day today and getting a reward she stood in front of the television watching Cars 2 and went all over the floor (thank god it isn't carpet anymore!).

I really need a time out but instead I just wont give up!

Try

What I really want to do is leave....

I never thought that I was going to be a mother in my twenties, in fact I swore that that was never going to happen but then again what do you really know when you are nineteen??? But here I am at twenty-six with three little kids under the age of three, a husband gearing up for our third deployment in three years, and a houseful of animals that include cats, a dog, and a blue fish.

I guess I should rewind a few years to give some background. As a little girl I fantasized about being a doctor and having two kids which of course would be a boy and a girl and preferably twins (thanks little girl fantasy coming true on that part!). At fifteen I swore that I only wanted one child and that I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl and my career hopes were undecided to say at best. By the time I was nineteen I was more confused about life than at any point in my life; I had seen my grandmother pass away from her cancer battle in downstairs bedroom of my parents house and all I knew was that I wasn't prepared to face school and my only decent option was to join the Marine Corps. You could say that is what got me here now.

What I really want to do is leave but I know that I wont....

 I met my husband in the Marine Corps four years after joining. I had been in a long standing on again off again relationship with a high school sweetheart and had a slue of unsuccessful relationships in between and I had officially given up on the dating scene. After the last nasty break up with Mr. Not so sweet Sweetheart John became more frequent in my life; being that we worked in the same battalion it was only a matter of time that our paths crossed and that they did several times in about two months. After some flirtations on both of our parts John asked me on a date, boy was I nervous and scared that I'd mess this date up but thankfully I didn't and I found myself intrigued with this man. Six months later and five and a half months pregnant we said our " I dos" in front of my immediate family and prepared for our first real test of marriage, a deployment and parenthood.

What I really need to be saying is I need to Try...

Flash forward; I bid goodbye to the Marine Corps right before welcoming our first child, a daughter named Jocelyn and the Marine Corps then moved us across the continental United States where the closest family is twelve hours away. We have been through another deployment directly after arriving at our new duty station and we've welcomed that boy and girl twins Liam and Zoe a year and half after Jocelyn. I will graduate with my Associates Degree and transfer for my Bachelors later this summer, the Corps is moving us back to my home state and closer to family next year, and my husband is getting ready to deploy yet again.

What I really want to do is leave but what I will do is Try....


I'm living this life one day at a time!